So I have decided to be blatantly honest and start this with an exclamation " I love being a Mum, I just hate doing it" This was how I felt most of the first 3 years of my son's existence in my life.
"It" felt to me almost like an impossible job. I am not talking about the indignities of changing dirty pamper's or trying to calm my son's 10 minute tantrum in a store because he cannot get the toy he wants. I expected this much when I became a Mum. I am talking about the crushing exhaustion , the days when I barely kept it together 99 percent of the time, when I was supposed to be cherishing it all. My self imposed ideal of what a " perfect mum" was. That I was suppose to spend as much quality time with my son as I can, be a supportive wife, and still keep my career on target.
My never ending to do list was something like this,
1. Spend quality time with Jaden
2.Spend quality time with close friends and family
3.Look refreshed, relaxed, fit and fashionable
4.Cook dinner for my son and hubby every night ( or make sure to order it)
5.Find all the gazillion toys and pieces and put them away
6.Maintain my family's social calender
7.Create perfect birthday parties, with perfect goodie bags
8.Vet all service providers, doctors, babysitters, teachers
9.Recompose self from a never ending day of mulit-tasking Jaden, house and work duties and not look desperate when hubby gets home.
10. Arrive home from work or appointments with loads of energy for Jaden and hubby.
I finally came to the realization that not everything on my to do list was doable nor should it be. I had to find a way to get out of that "craziness" and just be happy raising Jaden as well as being a good person to my hubby. The key was to re-examine my priorities and redefine motherhood as something I both CAN and WANT to do.
Here are some ways that helped me to realign my priorities and really my life. First I had to take a hard look at my expectations, and cross off the those things that really, really did not need to be there. Next prioritize what was on my list. Did I really need to have fresh flowers in the house? Did I have to make sure my son clothes had to always make a fashion statement before he left the house? Did I have to cook an elaborate meal every night for my hubby when he came home from work? Did I have to read 10 books a day or plan major activities for my son otherwise I felt so guilty because all the other Mum's did it? These things are all great, but when these small expectations start becoming huge priorities, you can lose sight of the bigger, more important picture. This was when It started to become more liberating,I just started to follow my instincts and my core values. The goal is to end up with only those expectations that are truly vital to your family.
xoxo
"It" felt to me almost like an impossible job. I am not talking about the indignities of changing dirty pamper's or trying to calm my son's 10 minute tantrum in a store because he cannot get the toy he wants. I expected this much when I became a Mum. I am talking about the crushing exhaustion , the days when I barely kept it together 99 percent of the time, when I was supposed to be cherishing it all. My self imposed ideal of what a " perfect mum" was. That I was suppose to spend as much quality time with my son as I can, be a supportive wife, and still keep my career on target.
My never ending to do list was something like this,
1. Spend quality time with Jaden
2.Spend quality time with close friends and family
3.Look refreshed, relaxed, fit and fashionable
4.Cook dinner for my son and hubby every night ( or make sure to order it)
5.Find all the gazillion toys and pieces and put them away
6.Maintain my family's social calender
7.Create perfect birthday parties, with perfect goodie bags
8.Vet all service providers, doctors, babysitters, teachers
9.Recompose self from a never ending day of mulit-tasking Jaden, house and work duties and not look desperate when hubby gets home.
10. Arrive home from work or appointments with loads of energy for Jaden and hubby.
I finally came to the realization that not everything on my to do list was doable nor should it be. I had to find a way to get out of that "craziness" and just be happy raising Jaden as well as being a good person to my hubby. The key was to re-examine my priorities and redefine motherhood as something I both CAN and WANT to do.
Here are some ways that helped me to realign my priorities and really my life. First I had to take a hard look at my expectations, and cross off the those things that really, really did not need to be there. Next prioritize what was on my list. Did I really need to have fresh flowers in the house? Did I have to make sure my son clothes had to always make a fashion statement before he left the house? Did I have to cook an elaborate meal every night for my hubby when he came home from work? Did I have to read 10 books a day or plan major activities for my son otherwise I felt so guilty because all the other Mum's did it? These things are all great, but when these small expectations start becoming huge priorities, you can lose sight of the bigger, more important picture. This was when It started to become more liberating,I just started to follow my instincts and my core values. The goal is to end up with only those expectations that are truly vital to your family.
xoxo
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Yes! Lets give ourselves, and fellow moms a break. Motherhood comes with enough guilt and pressure all on its own. We should lower our expectations, judgments and criticisms towards each other as a gift...a mom to mom gift. Naima, you do too much and your really making me look bad. :)
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