How A Hair-Cut Made Me Start Back Wearing My Sexy High Heels Again!!!

So it has been 3 years since I had my son, and it took all of the 3 years for me to finally start getting my " mojo" back. By mid March of 2008 I decided I must lose most of the weight I had gained during my pregnancy, cutting back on late night eating, chasing a toddler around the house over the course of 10 months I was able to lose close to 30 pounds. I am definitely feeling more confident and happy to be able to shop for my pre-baby size once again. One thing though that was still lacking was my edge, I still ran around in ugg boots, sneakers the fallout of just running around with Jaden, household errands, work. Un-combed hair, no makeup things that before I had my son would never be part of my daily routine.

Last week on an ordinary Tuesday I decided in a precise moment to have my hair chopped off. To be fair let me pre-qualify by telling you that it had horrible damaged ends a result from coloring the last 2 years, so I was planning on a cut. The night before My hubby who has an amazing sence of style on a woman went over some styles that would best suit me. Next day I surprised myself by having it cut in a shorter style which 30 pounds heavier, chubby face and all would never work on me. Since my hair-cut I feel this edgy, sexy, fun side coming back to me. Today taking my son and nephew to the Brooklyn Museum I wore leggings and tall patent leather high heeled boots. A bit edgy for a 2 pm visit to the Museum but damn did I look Hot!!!! It took my haircut to transform me into a " divalyssicous mum"

xoxo

The Never Ending To Do List Of An Alpha Mum

So I have decided to be blatantly honest and start this with an exclamation " I love being a Mum, I just hate doing it" This was how I felt most of the first 3 years of my son's existence in my life.

"It" felt to me almost like an impossible job. I am not talking about the indignities of changing dirty pamper's or trying to calm my son's 10 minute tantrum in a store because he cannot get the toy he wants. I expected this much when I became a Mum. I am talking about the crushing exhaustion , the days when I barely kept it together 99 percent of the time, when I was supposed to be cherishing it all. My self imposed ideal of what a " perfect mum" was. That I was suppose to spend as much quality time with my son as I can, be a supportive wife, and still keep my career on target.

My never ending to do list was something like this,

1. Spend quality time with Jaden

2.Spend quality time with close friends and family

3.Look refreshed, relaxed, fit and fashionable

4.Cook dinner for my son and hubby every night ( or make sure to order it)

5.Find all the gazillion toys and pieces and put them away

6.Maintain my family's social calender

7.Create perfect birthday parties, with perfect goodie bags

8.Vet all service providers, doctors, babysitters, teachers

9.Recompose self from a never ending day of mulit-tasking Jaden, house and work duties and not look desperate when hubby gets home.

10. Arrive home from work or appointments with loads of energy for Jaden and hubby.

I finally came to the realization that not everything on my to do list was doable nor should it be. I had to find a way to get out of that "craziness" and just be happy raising Jaden as well as being a good person to my hubby. The key was to re-examine my priorities and redefine motherhood as something I both CAN and WANT to do.

Here are some ways that helped me to realign my priorities and really my life. First I had to take a hard look at my expectations, and cross off the those things that really, really did not need to be there. Next prioritize what was on my list. Did I really need to have fresh flowers in the house? Did I have to make sure my son clothes had to always make a fashion statement before he left the house? Did I have to cook an elaborate meal every night for my hubby when he came home from work? Did I have to read 10 books a day or plan major activities for my son otherwise I felt so guilty because all the other Mum's did it? These things are all great, but when these small expectations start becoming huge priorities, you can lose sight of the bigger, more important picture. This was when It started to become more liberating,I just started to follow my instincts and my core values. The goal is to end up with only those expectations that are truly vital to your family.

xoxo

Do We Mum's Dread Taking Our Kids Out With Us For Dinner,Brunch, Cocktail's?

My hubby and I love dining out in New York City, Sunday brunch at Pastis, Cookshop,Balthazar dinners at Sushi Samba, Spice Market, Serafina. I loved meeting my girlfriends for after-noon cocktails at my little French Bistro Chez Oscar. Once Jaden was born it was just natural to incorporate him into our dining experience. The first 2 years we were able to take him with us since as a baby we could soothe him with a pacifier and cuddling. NYC restaurants as in many other cities across America now are shockingly kid-friendly and welcome kids. As a toddler it has gotten a lot trickier, stronger personality, easily distracted and prone to a tantrum here and there. Here are some tips that have worked so well for me and made it a joy to continue our dining experience out on the town...Jaden in tow. xoxo

Anxiety about taking the kids out to dinner in New York can outweigh the enjoyment of the meal itself. The key to a stress-free evening? Preparation.

* Eat Early. Avoid the eight o’clock rush.
* Sit In The Back. When making a reservation, request an out-of-the-way table. If your kids get cranky or hyper, they won’t disturb other diners.
* Bring A Stroller. “It comes in handy when toys, silverware, and food have been thrown overboard and nothing seems to calm your screaming baby, “If things get out of hand, go around the block singing your most soothing lullaby. At least your better half can enjoy the respite.”
* Call Ahead. Ask whether the restaurant is equipped with high chairs, and if it’s a child-friendly environment. Mention that you’ll be bringing a child so that the staff is ready when you arrive. (This will also increase your chances of getting a waiter who’s good with kids.) If you anticipate coming back, offer to pay for the broken dishes and leave a good tip.
* Bring Distractions. Books, markers, and paper, a favorite stuffed animal that doesn’t honk or squeak—anything that will divert their attention from breakable items (and boredom).

Do We Mum's Have Un-realistic Or Mis-guided Expectations Of What A Date Night With Hubby Should Be?

Just got back from dinner and cocktails at sexy little Latin restaurant Luz in my neighborhood Clinton Hill, Brooklyn with hubby. Taking total advantage of new Nanny situation. As always we started talking about the house, plans for the immediate future, Jaden blah, blah. Important stuff but would rather not discuss this drinking a dark Mojito in hand. Rather have flirtatious conversations instead. After 2 cocktails and easily feeling the effects of it, sitting right next to us is an ex client of hubby's and she is with two wonderful ladies ( family relatives). We all ended up having the most entertaining conversation filled with loads of laughs and exchanged information about the neighborhood we live in, I was also able to make a great business connection with one of the ladies. The night turned out to be such an amazing time and hubby and I were able to have that fun date after all. The expectations I had were from some " magazine" notion of what really is " romantic" or " sexy" when it is all about having fun with the one you love period, especially after many years of marriage and children. So I am happy to say I had such a fabulous Friday night with hubby...Happy Valentine's day xoxo

Is It Insane When A Trip To Target Alone( no kids) Becomes Therapeutic For You?

As I walked down the aisle of Target 8 am this morning( yes they open that early) I find myself in a kind of mesmerized trance. I mean I go to Target weekly but always with Jaden and well having a 3 year old yelling " Mummy buy me hot wheels" let us just say my main mission is to get what I need ( always for Jaden) and get the hell out. This morning if felt like another universe. I leisurely walk down each aisle but linger longer on the magazine stand as well as on all the books on relationships, how to be a " Good Mother", how to " Raise the perfect child". I then saunter over to the clothing section, not that I look look down on shopping for my clothes at Target , just never was interested, but now with no screaming toddler, I see some cute lounge wear, t shirts..wow freaking cool. I of course with all this alone time end up buying things I do not need ( like kitchen gadgets I would never use) . At the cashier I pick up more knick knacks not needed. On my way out "heaven" Starbucks!!!! With my skim cafe mocha in hand I walk to the parking lot, jump in car feeling revitalized...I say now as I write, even me in shock " Can you imagine"...

What's An Alpha Mum?

An alpha mum is a new breed of mums, hip,savy and sensational. I am not interested in reading books on child rearing 101, I am more interested in information geared for my more modern ways i.e juggling lunch dates and play dates, commuting and car pooling. me-time and mummy and me time. I am devoted to my son and my hubby but working daily to also be true to myself. I was fun and out-going before I had my son at work, at home, and at a cocktail party and I strive to still be doing it all with style, smarts, grace and well still working on this one " seemingly without effort"



It has taken all of the 3 years since I have had my son Jaden to work my way back to my pre-Mum self. To realize that it is okay to take time for that glass of red wine, to read that tabloid on fabulous looking celebrities mum's , to once again be that sexy woman who prioritizes romance and yes SEX in my top 3 list....over the 3 years it took forming relationship with fellow mums like myself sharing stories on the trials and tribulations of being a Mum to help me transform back to ME....I plan on utilizing this blog to continue to reach out to share and to inspire as well as be inspired by all the alpha mums across America and the World...xoxo



Naima